


inversion

by Still_sleepless



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Betrayal, Blood and Violence, Body Horror, Dreams and Nightmares, Hallucinations, Horror, Lies, M/M, Monsters, Not Beta Read, Psychological Horror, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 19:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Still_sleepless/pseuds/Still_sleepless
Summary: Yunho doesn't dream. But what he sees at night aren't dreams.They're reality.





	inversion

It starts with sinking. He's sinking into grit that feels too heavy to be sand, black grains digging into the soft exposure of pale skin. If someone were to capture a film still of this moment he knows he'd look striking; the contrast between the victim in distress and the endless expanse of sand that isn't sand. Yunho opens his mouth to laugh but chokes instead, tongue elongating and growing numb. It's lolling uselessly as the grit fills his throat. It would steal his breath away but he finds himself not needing to breathe, the pull of oxygen is strangely nonexistent but he's fine. Then he's sucked under.

He lands on a wooden chair in a darkened room, hands scrambling for purchase, for stability. There's the hum of something in the background. The beeping of a machine steadily increasing but Yunho only has enough time to register one thing. A single purple eye blinking at him from across the room.

Then he wakes up to the smell of smoke, a familiar beeping piercing his ears.

Yunho jumps up out of reflex and storms out of his room when he notices San's empty bed.

Before he leaves, he feels sand beneath his hands, sticking to his sheets.

There's burning.

The members have already woken up and are yelling playfully, Hongjoong being the only exception with a very obvious look of distress. The kitchen is foggy from a substantial amount of smoke and Yunho feels lightheaded. He blames it on the fumes even if he knows that he shouldn't. Wooyoung is swinging their windows open as Jongho gingerly extracts a lump of what looks like coal from their toaster using prongs. Jongho - seemingly with a death wish - decides to playfully waft the failed toast in front of Seonghwa which earns him a smack to the head. The toast is then promptly tossed away as the warning sounds from their fire alarm is silenced, San tiptoeing on a kitchen stool and randomly poking at it with a broom.

The silence would be deafening but the dorm is alive with chatter, mainly from Mingi loudly discussing a show with Yeosang. Yunho groans when he overhears an important spoiler and makes a mental note to spike Mingi's coffee at some point.

Slumping down at the table, Yunho rests his chin in one palm. His eyes flutter shut briefly before he forces himself awake, feeling far more tired than he should given his eight hours of sleep. "So, why is it that I had to wake up to world war three today?" He looks pointedly towards Hongjoong whom he trusts to give a straight answer. In response he just gets a weary head shake and a desperate gulp of coffee. Seonghwa intercepts jovially as he also sits down, his fringe hanging low in his eyes.

"Jongho decided that he wanted his toast well done today." He swivels his head in Jongho's direction who freezes in the midst of placing another slice of bread in the toaster. "And by that I mean burnt."

Jongho turns around looking exasperated, butter knife being waved in one hand, "Look I know it's hard to believe but even _I_ can't be perfect all of the time." Almost immediately, Yunho laughs in derision and opposite him Seonghwa poorly stifles a chuckle.

Wooyoung pauses at the counter while pouring juice, only to let out an obnoxiously loud snort. "Perfect and you don't generally go in the same sentence."

Mingi bounds over and tosses an arm around Jongho's shoulders defensively, eyes squinting at Wooyoung's amused face. "Hey, guys don't be so mean," Jongho perks up and sticks his tongue out at Wooyoung, "let him have his delusions." Then Mingi is quickly dancing away, feet working in quick steps of unfinished choreography as he bounds across the kitchen away from a violent kick aimed at his knee. "Sorry!" is what he calls out but his face is an expression of unapologetic delight which causes Jongho to sulk even harder before smearing butter over his _well done_ toast.

Yunho is engrossed in the childish game of cat and mouse, so when Hongjoong places a bowl of cereal in front of him he jumps, his head twitching upwards in some sort of awkward defense mechanism. "Since you were too busy to make your own breakfast," Hongjoong says with half-serious spite and although Yunho has absolutely no appetite he accepts the plate with gratitude.

"Thank you, hyung." Yunho begins shovelling the food inside in a bid to ignore the feeling of overwhelming fullness that's resting in the pit of his stomach. Mingi has started dancing freestyle to the radio. A too loud beat is thrumming with all the artificial softness that Yunho has come to expect from the top ten chart. If he closes his eyes he can taste cherry glaze dripping red, saccharine and pristine. He pushes the sweetness away, along with his half-eaten bowl of cereal. Hongjoong is too busy watching Mingi's fast moving arms to notice and Yunho sends up a silent prayer for the distraction.

There's the slow, stuttering grind of metal as Yeosang begins making coffee with their, admittedly dated, coffee machine. He's silent at the counter, his back turned to the rest of them and neck bent in benign concentration. Like so many of their mornings, Yeosang has begun it like a figurine, porcelain and unmoving. Yunho watches to see what he'll do next but nothing happens for a minute and he's about to give up before there's a blur of motion and his eyes flicker upwards. He watches a drop of something collect and congeal on the ceiling before it falls upon the back of Yeosang's collar.

It stains his shirt purple.

He opens his mouth with a trembling gasp, surprised and confused, to tell the others that they have some sort of leak.

"-sang, make me a cup!" San's explosive voice pulls his attention away to the side and when he regains focus there's the growing patch of purple. Frantically, he stands up and jerks his head backwards to examine the ceiling but there's nothing but an empty spread of cream paint and Yeosang's quiet tutting as he grabs more cups.

"Are you okay?" It's Seonghwa who's speaking now, standing so close that Yunho can breathe in the spearmint of his mouth, hand soft against his forearm. He's not okay, legs weak from the daze but he only stands up straighter before circling around to his seat. Seonghwa's hand drops back down like a bag heavy with ill-gotten treasures.

"I'm good." He quickly grabs his bowl and dumps the food into the bin, Hongjoong having joined Mingi to show off his bountiful dance skills, before slumping back down in his chair. "Just making sure Yeosang makes my coffee extra strong." Yunho smiles which only grows into a grin when Yeosang groans in disdain.

"You'll be lucky if I don't spit in it," He retorts, twisting around and flashing his teeth. Yunho doesn't know if he's serious and his smile falters which serves to make Yeosang laugh maniacally as he stirs a sachet of sugar into Yunho's mug, dark red with a heart plastered on the side, YH in small initials to distinguish it from all of their matching mugs.

He then gives out the coffee, and places Yunho's down on the table with excessive force. Thinking fast, Yunho stands up abruptly and grabs the tray out of his hands. "I can help!" His voice comes out squeaky but he's never claimed to be a good actor.

"If you want...?" Yeosang relents easily and Yunho grabs his own coffee back up before returning to the counter. Once there he dumps a copious amount of salt in Mingi's mug and allows himself a moment of smug satisfaction. This is quickly cut short when he blinks and everything is tinted lilac out of his right eye. In alarm he stumbles backwards but not before feeling something viscous drip down his forehead. Looking upwards he's met with a sight he doesn't understand.

He sees reaching down from the ceiling an amorphous globule of purple secretion? It's a hair's length away from the tip of Yunho's nose and in the shaky breath he manages to take he swears he smells spearmint.

"What the fuck?" Is all he can muster, eyes pinned before him as what looks like a hand begins taking form, stretching in unsettling micro movements. Finally, his jaw slackens to let out a scream to shake the foundation of their apartment building.

"Yunho? Earth to Yunho!" He blinks again and the purple has faded away in favour of orange, vibrant and thriving. Hongjoong is in front of him, eyes wide and searching, so close that if Yunho shifted just slightly they would be touching. Yunho feels dejavu as he desperately rubs at his face and looks back above their heads. Then he despondently settles his gaze back on Hongjoong whose hair has faded from red to the orange of rising suns.

He feels helpless, the dying scream feeding into a fear he didn't know he had.

Closing his mouth, Yunho reaches around Hongjoong to grab at the tray, his arms digging into his waist but Hongjoong swivels around quickly and begins giving out the coffee instead. "They'll be ice cold before you get to it," he chides like he's speaking to a child.

Yunho can only nod, gripping his coffee in both hands and staring around the room. The others observe him uncertainly and exchange questioning looks but if Yunho notices he doesn't react. Instead he turns to leave, feeling paranoia sitting on his shoulder, a solid black mass of doubt seeping into his thoughts.

There's a loud spluttering and a chorus of coughs from the kitchen. "Yeosang, what did you do to my coffee?!" and Yeosang fervently denies any knowledge of Mingi's sodium filled coffee as the others laugh through their unease.

Yunho can't bring himself to laugh, thoughts on the validity of his sight. He’s so distracted he doesn’t notice the laughter stop the moment he leaves, giving way to unusual silence.

When is a dream not a dream?

***

It's on a roof at dawn when Yunho realises he can't remember the last time he woke up.

There's a certain absurdity to this, legs dangling off the edge and sky frosted over a milky blue. They had filmed a simple music video for a song off their album, bleary and sticky with a cascading string section. When they finished and everyone packed up to leave Yunho decided to stay behind, assuring Hongjoong that he'll be back in time for breakfast. It was a lie. He doesn't know when he'll get back home.

Or if he'll go back at all.

And now Yunho is wondering if he's truly here. He must be. The wind gusting through his clothing in great cavernous bursts tell him that he exists. The world around him is too solid.

But he can't remember waking up.

Is that normal? Do you remember what you do before you fall asleep?

Yunho stands and watches the pinpricks of lights travelling below him, all pacing at calamitous speeds and unaware of the pulsing life dangling far, far above. Here he is atop a skyscraper that pierces the heavens with brash metal that reflects every insecurity he's ever had.

It's a long way to the bottom.

Maybe in the time taken to fall from the sky to the ground he'll awaken.

Yunho goes home.

***

"It's not like we'll be gone for that long," Wooyoung says in a low voice as one of their stylists erases his stubborn eyeliner with repeated scrubbing. He winces but both him and Yunho keep their eyes on Hongjoong who's lounging on a couch on the other side of their waiting room. He's fervently typing away at his laptop, cataloguing a stream of lyrics before they dissipate to the air.

It's the last day of promotions before they take a break as instructed by the company. One encouraged by the incident of Hongjoong falling and shattering his leg in two different places, as demonstrated by his cast.

But fear of obscurity only forces Hongjoong to work harder and longer hours. Breathing is laborious when you're trying to hit it big and nobody knows that better than their ever enduring leader.

"Let him do what he wants," Yunho says with a tone of blatant finality. His unintended apathy leads to a side eye from both San and Wooyoung. He doesn't notice, turning to face his mirror. The sharp overhead lights have thrown his face into sharp relief and he looks gaunt without makeup smoothing out his edges.

It's not apathy but compassion. Yunho thinks he knows what Hongjoong is feeling with far more intimacy than anyone would expect. He has a fear too but while Hongjoong fears fading, Yunho fears the unseen. 

An odd sensation creeps up under his pant leg, like phantom fingers dragging along his skin. Yunho tenses, shoulders rising and falling with each unsteady breath. With shaky hands, he rolls up the material of his trousers and stares at the pale skin left unmarred by whatever creature has been haunting him. If there even is a creature.

_There isn't. It's your mind._

"Funny, isn't it?"

He lets go of his trousers, material creased from his tight hold, and looks at his mirror. In the reflection stands Seonghwa, who's standing stock-still behind Yunho's chair. He's frowning, cheeks a dirty copper from their stage-makeup. It makes him look permanently flustered and secretly Yunho thinks that nothing could be farther from the truth. Several beats pass by and Yunho says nothing - not even deigning to turn around - eyes locked on the unmoving reflection that's refusing to smile - he's too weary to deal with this.

Seonghwa seems to catch on to his mood and lifts his hand, only to pull harshly at a strand of Yunho's hair. The blue has faded to something pale and sickly and he winces at the sharp pain as it paints out a hurtful web under his skull.

Swallowing the ache, Yunho almost turns around in irritation but he catches San's eye in the mirror. San looks frightened, lips almost purple and freckles now more black than brown. He's shaking his head and mouthing something that Yunho can't make out.

"Weird that Hongjoong is the one who gets injured and we all have to take a break." His attention is drawn back to Seonghwa whose voice reeks of vinegar and bitter daydreams. Mirror Seonghwa, however, is grinning. His lips stretched wide enough to see the entirety of his gums. He's bleeding but doesn't seem to realise. Yunho doesn't mention it. Instead leaning forward and pretending to be interested in his pink nails, courtesy of Hongjoong.

"He's the leader. It makes sense. We couldn't cope with without him. Besides I'm tired. Aren't you?" He has grit in his lungs, making him feel like he's going to choke. He doesn't but his voice is hoarse nonetheless. There's warmth against his back; it's fiery and uncomfortably close. Seonghwa is pressed against him but Yunho holds back his complaints. He wants to know how this ends.

"I could lead..." He whispers this onto Yunho's shoulder, mouth touching the place where his neck melts into his collarbone and Seoonghwa's breath fans across the length of his jaw. Yunho counts the seconds until he can inhale again in his head. Forever seems to pass by.

This isn't the Seonghwa that Yunho knows. He's never given any indication that he wants more power. He gave up the role of rapper for Mingi. He's stayed up countless nights by San and Jongho's side while they were ill.

He held Yunho's hand when neither of them could go home for Chuseok.

This isn't Seonghwa.

"Why do we give all the the credit to Hongjoong? We can both lead together", there's something slimey dripping from Seoonghwa's lips and Yunho is too afraid to look. There's a serpentine quality to his speech, like if he could, he'd slither up inside Yunho's ears and nest there. "I know you've thought of it too." This is said with indulgence, slow and sugary, as if Seonghwa is savouring the taste of the words. Of the betrayal that's he's admitting so openly. 

Caught off guard by the allegation, Yunho looks once more at the reflection and is winded by what he sees. Nothing. There's no one behind him. Frantically, Yunho stands and searches the room with his eyes but Seonghwa isn't even there. The reflection is empty once more and holds no answers. 

Slumping down, he buries his head in his hands. "I'm going fucking insane." He laments quietly into the crook of his arm. 

"I wouldn't go that far." San cuts through dryly, lounging with his phone in one hand. His eyes, however, are glued to Yunho's head. "You need to do something about your hair. The colour is all gone." Yunho feels like he's been emptied out and filled up and all he can do is stare at San's pale lips, nude and clearly not purple. He absent-mindedly runs his hand through his hair, feeling a sore spot that he can't explain. "Careful", San covers his face playfully with a cast off bandana. Yunho tears his gaze upwards. "Wouldn't want Yeosang to see." He laughs, high and unrepressed. It's painful to hear. 

"What does that mean?" 

"You know exactly what it means," San mutters quietly, already rising before Yunho can say anything else. He marches out of the waiting room, arms swinging and bracelets jangling loudly. 

On the sofa, Hongjoong is still sitting with his notebook sprawled across his lap. His head has fallen awkwardly against the wall and Hongjoong is snoring fitfully, broken leg resting on a pillow. For some reason, for the first time that Yunho can ever recall. He looks at Hongjoong and doesn't feel admiration. No, he feels a tiny ball of hate erupt under his skin and begin to take root. 

If he were to look back at the reflection now then he might not recognise what he'd see. 

***

Staying silent about the unravelling of his sanity is easier than Yunho would like to admit. Living in a cramped dorm would ordinarily leave no room for secrets but Yunho has perfected the art of fake happy. Just crack a joke and nobody will ever notice.

Despite this, there's something that just won't leave him alone. What did San mean about Yeosang?

And yeah, he might be a good liar but he can't fool himself. So, Yunho lies in bed - sheets covering his face - and rolls about in despair at what to do.

The choice is made for him when someone knocks tentatively on the door that's already open. Peeping out from under the covers, Yunho spots large light brown eyes that he sees in his <strike>dreams</strike> fantasies.

"I'm going out to the gym. You coming?" It's only one question, dismissive and not at all intimate. Yunho scrambles out of bed regardless, knocking his hand against the metal frame hard and cringing at himself. 

Glancing at Yeosang surreptitiously, he's glad to see an amused smile blooming and he straightens up to his full height. "Let's go!" He musters enthusiastically and strolls out of his bedroom before strolling back in. 

"Clothes?" Yeosang questions inquisitively, eyes roaming over Yunho's shirtless form. 

Yunho fiddles with the drawstring of his sweatpants, faux confidence having dissolved. "Clothes." He affirms simply and Yeosang rolls his eyes good-naturedly. 

"I'll wait", he calls over his shoulder as he leaves the room and Yunho allows himself to grin. 

***

There's something hiding in the stars but Yunho doesn't want to see the truth.

"Has Yeosang told you yet?" It's a slow Saturday morning, the sky bland and uninteresting. On such a day, most of the members congregate in the dorm out of boredom. Right now, Yunho is trying to watch a rerun of some variety show. _Trying_ because Wooyoung is insistent on chattering the entire way through. But upon hearing "Yeosang", Yunho's interest is suddenly piqued and he turns nonchalantly, chewing absentmindedly on his gum.

"Told me what?" And of course, Wooyoung only smiles knowingly and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

He sidles in closer and gestures secretively, cupping a hand around Yunho's ear only to proceed to say at full volume, "That he wants to rail you!" Yunho immediately shoves him away and thanks God that there is no one else within hearing distance. Wooyoung - for his part - only cackles in amusement; seemingly seeking joy in Yunho's flustered reaction.

"Dude! That's- That's ridiculous," he exclaims with a thin-lipped frown before becoming silent for a moment. "Isn't it...?" He finally asks, giving up his pride in favour of confirming his hope.

Wooyoung rolls his eyes, sighing in a way that suggests he's already over Yunho's crisis. "You're the biggest idiot I know," he pats Yunho affectionately on the cheek. "And I know _Mingi_." He smiles slightly, resting his hand on Yunho's shoulder. "It's clear you've both got extreme hard-ons for each other. Go for it dude." And with that he gives him a comforting squeeze before pointing towards Yeosang's shared room.

The one benefit of such a small dorm is that in the space between the living room and the bedrooms Yunho doesn't have enough time to chicken out. This is how he ends up knocking on Yeosang's door and stumbling in on shaky legs.

On the bed is Yeosang resting against his headboard with a laptop in hand, he looks up at Yunho with eyes that are impossibly wide. Yunho doesn't think hard enough about he wants to say. He's a man of simple words. "I like you," Yeosang's eyebrows disappear beneath his bangs, mouth forming a delicate "O" in surprise but Yunho soldiers on, "Go out with me?"

The answer is a surprise to no one but Yunho.


End file.
